Connor Raymond & Ryan John: Boy Mom

Monday, August 7, 2017

Boy Mom

Being a Boy Mom mostly means digging for worms, buying 10 gallon tanks to house toads from the pond in, telling fart jokes and wresting. Not a lot of "talk to me about how you are feeling" moments. Which for the most part I love! I hear stories from friends about how emotional girls are and how many times a day their daughter cries. I am happy I don't have "girl drama" but in these last few days leading up to the start of Ryan's first day of big kid school all I am is feelings and emotions. He will be an extremely old Kindergartener, turning 6 on his very first day of school. I know he mentally and emotionally is ready for school. It is me who is not ready for him to go.

Ryan is my tender hearted child. He is very literal, which means he is an extreme rule follower. If someone does the wrong thing he tells me. He is always stopping his play to run over and give me a hug or whisper an "I love you" in my ear. Ryan is a great listener, shopping companion, assistant chef, navigator, explorer and buddy. I'm going to miss our days together little dude.

Ryan; I hope that school enhances your compassion towards others, shows others your big heart and builds your confidents to take you far in your life journey!

What it all boils down to is this is a great next step for Ryan and I have to tell myself that it is great for me to. In reality what I see is him walking down the aisle with a super model and moving far away and never calling his dear old Mom again. I know I know, I'm getting ahead of myself right? Kindergarten isn't high school, or moving off to college so it definitely isn't his wedding day right? My rational side knows this but my irrational brain can't see this. When the kissing hand or whatever that emotional good bye book was that Ms. Lee read on the first day of Connor's day and then showed the parents the door and said to get out of there Connor was reaching for a pencil and ready to conquer the world, no looking back. I'm sure Ryan will be the same way. By the first day of 1st Grade, Connor wouldn't even let me take a picture of him outside the school the first day. He also insisted that I wait in the car and not walk him down the sidewalk and across the street any more. He doesn't need me, I'm forgotten. Those snuggely days on the couch are about to end Mama. So I have to buck up right? My life as a MOP (mother of preschooler) is over.

I did start this spring a "tennis league" with a bunch of Mom's. We are now about to start a "golf league" this fall. I have to refigure out things I like to do that don't involve sidewalk chalk or science experiments. I can now listen to PodCasts and read steamy romance novels again. I'll have time to go to yoga and reconnect with old friends at coffee shops. I know these are all good things and will nourish my soul that has been depleted for the last 8 years while I was in the bottom of the pits raising two rambunctious boys. I know all this is good, its just hard when you have had one identity so long to start over in this new identity.